Ugly shoe of the week

I've spent the last five minutes staring into space trying to come up with something reasonable to say about this shoe. Really, what is going on here? Would you spend $445 to look like you've shoved your feet into toy boats made from bits of dirty old carpet? It's optimistically described as 'jacquard', but we all know that's not true. This is upholstery, no arguments. Run away, fast.