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Now these shoes remind me a little of my childhood Clarks, y'know the ones your mum had you fitted for that were always 'supportive' but tended not to look that swish. Well these shoes, £55 from Monsoon seems to have taken that concept to heart and pimped up a pair of Mary Janes with a little bit of blue and white trim, but I'd still have to give them the thumbs down. They're not high enough to be sexy, not sharp enough to be stylish and not sweet enough to be kitsch. You can't get them till February, which isn't far away enough for me.

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